Sunday, October 01, 2006

Bryar Blogs...

Well, it was a terribly long day--our birthdays usually are. Mate, Bryar and I have the both good and exhausting fortune to share our birthdays with Alexa, my mother, and her sister Teresa. Alexa does not drive, and my grandparents are getting much older, and for my mother's birthday, I took her to lunch with grandpa and Teresa, and then we all drove to see grandma in the hospital as she recovers from a series of surgeries. It's a lot of driving--and a lot of trying to cram months of living full lives into a few moments of visiting--and by the time we were done I was in the 'near tears' stage of exhaustion. I did manage a true smile once, towards the end of the drive, though. Trystan gave me a (very gentle) sock in the arm and said 'out of state'. I looked and saw that the car ahead of us had Minnesota plates and a Papa John's Pizza marquee on the top, and said "Wow...think that pizza's gotten cold already?" I got a chuckle from Trystan, and felt not quite so bad about dragging my children hither and yon in pursuit of family.

Anyway, my amazing daughter Bryar has written a play--I was so impressed by the play and by the fact that it is very funny, that I told her that for my birthday, I would post the play for my blog. I'm extremely proud to do so. Everybody give it up for Bryar Rose, and her very 21st century take on the faery tale that spawned her name:

Sleeping Beauty
: Remix
Narrator: Once upon in a place far, far away there ….

Sleeping Beauty: Ya’ll I do not live far, far away You’re in highland avenue caaaalliiifoornia. Man, and I am right next to you, say get it right!!!!!!!!!

Narrator:(A little annoyed) OK! That was where a royal babe was born, and on this day she was cursed by an Evil witch….

Evil witch: Mr. N, I’m not going to be called Evil witch. I’d rather be the Beauty devil. OK!!!!

Cinderella: Which story is this?

Narrator and Witch: IT’S Sleeping beauty!!!

Cinderella: Ok, OK I just wanted to know.

Narrator: (rolling eyes) Let get on with the story. The Beauty Devil cursed the child with a monstrous curse that one woeful day she will touch a rose and go into a deep, deep sleep for a hundred a year. But then a good fairy set an enchantment.

Good fairy: I doooo noooot waaaaant to be called the good fairy. I’d RATHER BE CALLED THE SWEET SISTA….

SHAKESPEAR: Is this the tragic story of Romeo and Juliet?

Good fairy: are ya’ll from the sixth-teenth century?

SHAKESPEAR: Of course I am.

Good fairy: you’re in the wrong century--It’s 2006!

SHAKESPEAR: Thank you kind ma’am.

Good Fairy: now back to you narrator-- the sweet sista is ok right?

Narrator: (losing his mind) That said, she would have to sleep until a kind prince came and kissed her upon the lips. So when the young princess turned twelve she pricked her finger and fell into a deep sleep. There was a prince that was noble…..

Prince charming: I don’t want to be prince charming I want to be …..

Pinocchio: I’m prince charming. * His nose grows*

Narrator: (irritated) Pinocchio get out of the story. Prince Charming what were you saying?

Pinocchio: *sighs* Ok.

Prince charming: I’d like to be prince perfect.

Narrator: *sigh* Okay. Fine. There was the noble Prince Perfect who wondered what was scaring the people in the neighboring kingdom. When he entered the kingdom he saw a gigantic dragon.

Dragon: I am so tired of being called gigantic drrraaaagggon I’d…….

Hansel and Gretel: *very swedish accent* YA what a story is this.

Narrator: *nearly ready to blow flames * It is sleeping beauty!!!!!!!

Dragon: I’d rather be beauty dragon.

Sleeping beauty: * half asleep and oddly outside the castle* beauty is in my name too.

Evil witch: beauty is in my name Double too.

Prince perfect: So sleeping beauty do you want to kiss. *smacks his Lips*

Sleeping Beauty: *sleep Talking* and they lived Happily Ever After.

Good Fairy: What are you doing here?

Evil witch: I don’t care what I’m doing here. What are you doing here?

(Evil witch And Good fairy get into a magic Fight.)

(Prince Perfect starts trying to kiss sleeping Beauty.)

(The dragon Starts trying to beat up Hansel and Gretel.)

Narrator:(obviously angry) LET ME FINISH!!!!

Every one: (stops talking completely silent) Ok

Narrator:* scans the room sighs and opens book* The Prince saw a gigantic dragon. So he did what was right, he fought the dragon. He won but he was about to drop. The good fairy saw this Prince and helped him to the top. When there he kissed the young princess and they lived happily ever after.

Every one: How did sleeping beauty get in the castle so fast?

Narrator: Why do you ask?

Every one: because she was a sleep.

Narrator: * Puts face in hands* I have no idea.



Roxie said...

What a wonderful way to start my day. i laughed and laughed. Thank you miz Bryar! And happy birthday one and all!!

Lady in Red said...


Tam Tam said...

Very post-modernist writing. Her style is nothing like Though it is very similar to Shrek... Does she happen to be totally in love with that movie.

Starfish said...

Brava! I can just picture all the funny characters causing mayhem!

Catie said...

I love it. It reminded me of Shrek but not completely. I loved how the characters kept popping in from other stories. I think the best pop in was pinnoccio