Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Why I hate Video Games

Short answer? Because my husband is playing them right now while Medium is on. Seriously--I did get to watch CSI New York, but how am I going to get my maximum serving of grisly crime drama without the sweet domestic touch of Allison DuBois and her long suffering, tasty husband?

But I guess it doesn't matter--the hard part about being on break is that, for the most part, not much to blog. I've been spending epic amounts of $$$ at my yarn stores...and this is different because? (I need to ask Julie about the environmental impact of this yarn called Tofutsies--it's made out of wool, cotton, soysilk and, get this, chiton--yes, ground crab and feels heavenly, but it doesn't have--pardon the pun--a whole lot of body, which is important because it's a sockyarn, and that needs to be some tough shit...any yarn needs to be tough shit to live at my house, but that's another story... anyway, back to my regularly scheduled meanderings.)

The little ones were hard to get down tonight--The Adorable Infant (from here on to be known as Mama's Rotten Li'l Angel) had a screaming conniption fit for no more reason than she can get on all fours now and this will keep her awake when otherwise she would suck on her thumb in a temper and fall asleep. But before that, we were hanging out in the living room and the Cave Troll was going banonkers and she was just whining like tomorrow would come faster if she pole vaulted off my last nerve to get there and Mama snapped. "Okay, all you freaky snivelling whining children, let's get to bed!"

To my immense surprise, the two perfectly behaving adolescents got big eyes and both of them got up and started moving for their bedrooms. Mama did not know she had that much power. In the future it must only be used for good.

Okay, now to today's episode of Top Sheep, where our two judges, Susie Sockyarn and Precision Gauge are introducing the next challenge.

Susie: For today's yarn challenge, we will utilize common household goods in order to produce knitting's most coveted item--something of everyday use. Contestants are you ready?

(Katie Acryllic) Oh yes-- you guys know I'm always ready for everything!

(Organa Cotton--sotto voice) When you dally with man-made fibers, everything's what you get!

(Willa Woolford) Or everything's what you let get you.

(Katie Acryllic) Now I heard that--it was just not very nice. My items may be somewhat reasonably priced, but that doesn't make my craft any less important than yours.

(Al Paca) Oh please, ladies--if you're going to get bitchy this soon into the game there won't be anything to film when I beat you all.

(Intarsia Strand) Why can't we all just blend our personalities into one big lovely picture of harmony, people--is that so hard to achieve?

(Gauge the Judge, watching on and commenting:) Now this is where the pressure really starts getting to them--you will notice that Katie and Al are so upset that they're forgetting to premoisturize, and Willa is actually using her knitting needle to pick her ear. If she doesn't stop that habit, it's going to cost her in the final judging.

(Christing Cable) I'm sorry, Susie--go ahead and present the challenge. (She glares) We're ready.

(Susie Sockyarn, smugly) Okay, contestants, today's challenge involves something everybody needs, but nobody thinks to knit. Today, we're going to knit seat covers for cars using nothing but pointed dowels and electrical tape. Now, you each get a different vehicle to fit and to measure--we'll all draw needles to see who gets the Lincoln, the Cadillac, the Lexus, the Ferrari, the Volkswagon bus, the Ford Escort, and the Dodge Caravan crapmobile with the tacky decal on the back--are we ready?

(Organa Cotton and Willa Woolford both faint at the thought of knitting electrical tape.)

(Precision Gauge) Oh my goodness--someone go get big bags of cheap wine--we've got knitters down, here, repeat, knitters down!

(Susie Sockyarn) Tune in next week where we see if our knitters can rise to the challenge.

(Closing Montage featuring Intarsia Strand and Al Paca)
(Intarsia, sniffling as though her feelings have been hurt) I don't see anything wrong with using different colors of electrical tape to duplicate the Ferrari Logo...we were told to bring our creativity to the table.

(Al Paca, in front of the Dodge Caravan Crapmobile) I'm so mad I could spit.

Tune in for our next episod of TOP SHEEP...Good Night Everybody!


Roxie said...

I LOVE this! I'm laughing out loud! More, more! (I think we have some electrical tape in the garage. Wonder if you CAN knit with it?)

Julie said...

Chiton in yarn. That's a trip. Never heard of that one before. (Didja know the human diet requires chiton? I don't even wanna think about it.)

I could probably blather about the power used to process the chiton and all, but to me it sounds like a damn clever method of recycling and using waste to make something useful. Now if only they'd grind up sea-cockroaches (aka lobsters).

If it wears well, it's probably a better choice than nylon, which is, of course, petroleum based. Better we rely on dead shellfish than OPEC, I always say. Let me know how the socks wear, I'm really curious.

Mea said...

Ummm. . . Can I just say it? This blog rocks! Found you Via Yarn Harlot. I teach too. I also have a lovely little person (Insert sarcastic moniker) known as The Prince of Kindness and Light

Happy New Year!

NeedleTart said...

OOhh! You used mine!! I'm so excited (and teribbly grateful that I don't have to knit with the stuff....although.....)

Coach Susan said...

Yarn challenges, eh? Try these on:

- Overcooked spaghetti noodles

- Those extraneous black cable thingys that come with every single electronic device you've ever purchased

- Those g*dd*mn*d twist-ties the toy manufacturers use to fasten packaging to toys, thereby ensuring your child is taking his SATs before you get the thing unwrapped for him

- Phone cords (remember those?)

- Yellow "Caution! Police Line! Crime Scene! Do Not Cross" stuff

- Stray hair harvested from the hairbrushes of teenaged girls (c'mon you KNOW it's clean)

- Cinnamon flavored dental floss

- Jute (true story: DH's last job at the British Dept. of Trade & Industry had him monitoring international Jute standards and treaties and suchlike which is likely why it was his LAST job at the DTI)

- licorice whips. The red ones, of course.

Anonymous said...

Knitting challenge idea - red tape (yes it really exists, it is a pinky red ribbon used to tie up collections of legal papers). I keep meaning to swipe some from work and try it.