Saturday, January 20, 2007

of Hot Chocolate and Bananas...

Okay...I sent the oldest into the grocery store tonight--remember, he's 14. There is a communication handicap there, but we've never really let that stand in the way of expecting a little bit of common sense from the lad, so I was a bit surprised at the results.

The grocery list:
Bananas for your brother's breakfast
Ice Cream
Two gallons of milk

The results:
Ice Cream
Two gallons of milk
Hot chocolate
Mentos

"TRYYYYYYYSSSSTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!"
"Well, I only had twenty dollars--I had to put the bananas back!"

I didn't see the Mentos until we got home, or I might have made him walk home in the dark.

The Manos del Uruguay hat turned out AWESOME. In fact, it turned out so awesome that I had to keep it for Arwyn...I started another one for the young lad with the unexpected penis tonight...this time in royal blue instead of aqua so I wouldn't be tempted to keep it for my own child again. The camera has NO batteries, but I'm buying some tomorrow because I'm so proud of this little swirl pattern that I apparently pulled out of my ear--and I made some boo-boos on Arwyn's version that I can totally fix on the new version, so I might even try for a recognizable pattern w/the picture...one can only hope.

Now, before I launch into Top Sheep (sorry--it's been a while since my last installment:-/ I forgot to mention the stamp thing--Joanna, Kewyn's gymnastics teacher (and my daughter's dance teacher, except Bryar just quit dance after 9 years...there were tears, I'll blog about it later) anyway, Joanna gives the kids stamps on their hands and feet when they do a good job in dance or gym... they go nuts over it. So, I, like every other emotionally stunted disorganized walking personal disaster area I could mention, write stuff on the back of my hand if I want to remember it--and sometimes I shower before I take care of it and it's gone anyway. But I had just written a hugomelous reminder to buy diapers on the back of my hand in purple ink when I picked the little uns up from daycare, and Kewyn looked at my hand and said, "Mom--you got a stamp! Good job mom! Yayyyy!!!"

And now that I've made up (I hope) for yesterdays totally depressing and vituperative blog on the education system, lets move on to Top Sheep.

(Susie Sockyarn) Last week on top sheep, contestants were asked to complete school uniforms using only the red tape left over theom the unused or useless educational reforms of the last fifteen years. Now you may remember that last week our judge, Precision Gauge, disqualified himself on a rather handsome laceweight alpaca sweater, so he has been replaced by his brother, Proximate. Proxy--what can you tell us about the efforts of our contestants this week?

(Proxy Gauge) Well, Susie--I'm very disappointed in this week's efforts. I mean, we can all understand the demands of time, and no size was given for the uniforms so gauge would vary, but, really--I don't see any effort here that doesn't need to go back to the frog pond.

(Willa Woolford)I'm very proud of my knitting and I'd stand by this piece.

(Intarsia Strand) You knit at six stitches per inch--that piece can stand by itself.

(Organa Cotton) Well you were not told you could use anything BUT red tape--where did that little yellow sunburst come from?

(Farrah Ayle--in Intarsia's defense) Red tape, masking tape, what's the difference?

(Al Paca--from experience) A tax audit, and honey, that ain't pretty.

(Proxy Gauge, to Organa Cotton) Now...let me understand this right...we told you that you could use corporate and governmental red tape...

(Organa) Red Tape is also a figurative term...

(Proxy) Well yes, but we gave you over two thousand yards of literal tape to knit with...

(Organa) But who does that!!!

(Proximat) Well obviously someone does--have you seen the state of education in Californa? It's a good thing you won the immunity challenge in which you spun and knit your own hat from cotton balls and the ends of Q-tips, otherwise, this would be it...you made your own cotton yarn from the fibers in boiled documents written in eduspeak and bull#$%@ and dyed it with Expo markers and that was NOT the assignment.

(Katie Acrylic--wearing a pleated schoolgirl's skirt out of red tape that definitely DOESN'T cover her assets and a red-tape bolero held together by a pencil being used as a pin and nothing under it) Now, Mr. Gauge, you know, that was above and beyond the assignment.

(Proximate) Look, you needletart (;-) Just because you're taking spinning lessons with my brother...

(Katie, giggling--and a lot more, uhm, laid back than she had been) Is THAT what they call it now... just calm down, Proxy--I'm not angling at a job as Proxy's doxy, if that's what you're wondering... Acrylic was made to be knit to Precision, if you know what I mean.... Now calm down and score my entry. (She pirhouettes, and Proximate sighs.)

(Proximate) Yeah--it's the best.

(Al Paca) Now wait a minute!!!

(Proximate) Oh get off it, Al--no one wears short pants nowadays, Farrahs is a size six X and everybody else is disqualified. Fiber Ho here wins.

(Al Paca) I'm so mad...

(Everybody) You could spit...we know!!!

(Susie Sockyarn) Next week tune into Top Sheep where our contestants will attempt to knit with food.

(Closing montage--Willa Woolford sobbing over a pot of Top Ramen) Wool...oh Goddess, all I want is some #$%^ing wool...


(Kewyn's contribution to Top Sheep--
abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz
abcdefghijklomnopqrstuvwxz
abcdefhijkmnopqrstuvwxyz)

8 comments:

Catie said...

good job Kewyn!

Roxie said...

Love the contest! (trying to stifle giggles so as not to wake DH in the other room.)

Love the Trystan tale. That is perfectly masculine reasoning! Not a thing wrong with that kid.

Love Kewyn! I'm sending him a virtual stamp. (Give him a kiss on the back of his hand and tell him it's from me.)

Netter said...

My B loves to type, too. But, he prefers making elmo giggle over at sesame workshop.com. Especially when the bucket of water gets dropped on the umbrella.

NeedleTart said...

For some reason Blogger hates me this afternoon. Just let me try to say thanks for the mammaries.

Amy Lane said...

awww...you're welome needletart--thanks for the temporary use ofyour name:-) everybody--if you've got a toddler--that address that netter just put down ROCKS ROCKS ROCKS...we spent two hours today playing the little toddler games--it gave me something to do w/Kewyn besides type the abcs... (and the Cave Troll also liked the bucket of water--that was his favorite game)

Rae said...

I love your blog. I love that your blog makes me look up words.

vituperative

I'm going to use it a lot now. ;)

Coach Susan said...

This is your brain on chalkdust (whiteboard marker fumes?). How else could you come up with such witty Top Sheep episodes? You're too busy to use controlled substances. No, must be the chalkdust (marker fumes).

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