Okay, I'll probably do a Top Sheep tomorrow (you all seem to like it:-) but today, I'm finishing the detestable Glitterspun thing... Mate asked me today, "How's it looking?" To which I replied, "Like a Vegas hooker." Which actually took me back to a conversation we had last night. We were walking through the Arco Arena parking lot, (because it just wouldn't be a month if we didn't get to see the Kings lose) and we started taling about all of the phrases he'd picked up since I'd picked up my yarn habit in order to stay in my good graces. (All men know this--if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.) Feel free to pitch a few in here, folks--and although I'm going to call it a top 10 list, you all know how I count...
Top Ten List of Things a Good Mate Says to His Knitter
1. Looks great, honey. (In order for this to sound convincing, Mate must first LOOK UP FROM THE COMPUTER.)
2. Ohh...I like the colors. (He loses points for this if you're making it for someone else and have been bitching about the colors until the dog whines.)
3. That's a nice yarn, honey. (He loses points for this one if he follows that up with 'How much did that cost?'.)
4. Wow--looks complicated.
5. You're really kicking that one out!
6. Mmmm...interesting--how did you do that? (He gains a steak dinner and the sexual favor of his choice if his eyes don't glaze over when you explain it to him.)
7. I'm sure they'll love that. (This response is mandatory if you're making something for HIS friends or HIS family.)
8. You're so talented! (He loses points for this one if it sounds the tiniest bit sardonic. He gains points if he puts a double entendre on it and makes you put down your knitting to jump his bones.)
9. NIce job.
10. The knitting is awesome--now put it down and come kiss me. (This one only works if you're not doing a MuFOD--Must Finish On Deadline.)
And now for the down side--these are the five things that Mate can say that will guarantee the room temperature dropping until you have to chip the ice from the windows with a jackhammer.
2. Looks good--how much did it cost me?
3. Those colors? You think?
4. Are you sure you did that right?
5. Oh great, another blanket. (Scarf, hat, sweater, etc.)
6. Why doesn't it look like the picture?
7. It looks good, honey, but you don't look like the model in the book.
8. Why would you want to wear that?
9. You woke me up to show me WHAT?
10. Holy God! What the hell is that?
Of course, since Mate is practically perfect in every way, I've really only heard # 1--but now he's got guidelines for what not to say. This is good--men are very comfortable with deadlines.
Now I've got to motor--I'm putting fringe on the Las Vegas Hooker Glitterfuckingspun monstrosity, and I need to finish writing a final today--but I'll be back with pictures and another episode of Top Sheep. Oh yeah--appropos of absolutely nothing? The Adorable Infant is doing that thing where she sits and clenches her but so she moves up and down as she sits. And she sucks her thumb. Neither of these things were big with the other three, and we are totally charmed. Oh--one more thing--I'm reading this totally kick ass series by Lilith Saint Crow that stars a character named Dante Valentine who keeps swearing to the Lord of Death, Sekhmet. (Sound familiar, Julie?) Anyway, her favorite expression is 'Sekhmet sa'es.' Does anybody know what it means? I'd like to adopt it as my temorary fad expression (I have these--for a while, it was 'frell' and 'dren' from Farscape. Ah, good swearing days.) because if I can't figure out what it means I'm going to have to go with Tierce Japhramel, the name of the demon/love interest, because, let's face it, it just sounds frickin' cool!!!!!