Sunday, January 14, 2007

Looks great, honey...

Okay, I'll probably do a Top Sheep tomorrow (you all seem to like it:-) but today, I'm finishing the detestable Glitterspun thing... Mate asked me today, "How's it looking?" To which I replied, "Like a Vegas hooker." Which actually took me back to a conversation we had last night. We were walking through the Arco Arena parking lot, (because it just wouldn't be a month if we didn't get to see the Kings lose) and we started taling about all of the phrases he'd picked up since I'd picked up my yarn habit in order to stay in my good graces. (All men know this--if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.) Feel free to pitch a few in here, folks--and although I'm going to call it a top 10 list, you all know how I count...

Top Ten List of Things a Good Mate Says to His Knitter

1. Looks great, honey. (In order for this to sound convincing, Mate must first LOOK UP FROM THE COMPUTER.)
2. Ohh...I like the colors. (He loses points for this if you're making it for someone else and have been bitching about the colors until the dog whines.)
3. That's a nice yarn, honey. (He loses points for this one if he follows that up with 'How much did that cost?'.)
4. Wow--looks complicated.
5. You're really kicking that one out!
6. Mmmm...interesting--how did you do that? (He gains a steak dinner and the sexual favor of his choice if his eyes don't glaze over when you explain it to him.)
7. I'm sure they'll love that. (This response is mandatory if you're making something for HIS friends or HIS family.)
8. You're so talented! (He loses points for this one if it sounds the tiniest bit sardonic. He gains points if he puts a double entendre on it and makes you put down your knitting to jump his bones.)
9. NIce job.
10. The knitting is awesome--now put it down and come kiss me. (This one only works if you're not doing a MuFOD--Must Finish On Deadline.)

And now for the down side--these are the five things that Mate can say that will guarantee the room temperature dropping until you have to chip the ice from the windows with a jackhammer.

1. Hmmm...interesting.
2. Looks good--how much did it cost me?
3. Those colors? You think?
4. Are you sure you did that right?
5. Oh great, another blanket. (Scarf, hat, sweater, etc.)
6. Why doesn't it look like the picture?
7. It looks good, honey, but you don't look like the model in the book.
8. Why would you want to wear that?
9. You woke me up to show me WHAT?
10. Holy God! What the hell is that?

Of course, since Mate is practically perfect in every way, I've really only heard # 1--but now he's got guidelines for what not to say. This is good--men are very comfortable with deadlines.

Now I've got to motor--I'm putting fringe on the Las Vegas Hooker Glitterfuckingspun monstrosity, and I need to finish writing a final today--but I'll be back with pictures and another episode of Top Sheep. Oh yeah--appropos of absolutely nothing? The Adorable Infant is doing that thing where she sits and clenches her but so she moves up and down as she sits. And she sucks her thumb. Neither of these things were big with the other three, and we are totally charmed. Oh--one more thing--I'm reading this totally kick ass series by Lilith Saint Crow that stars a character named Dante Valentine who keeps swearing to the Lord of Death, Sekhmet. (Sound familiar, Julie?) Anyway, her favorite expression is 'Sekhmet sa'es.' Does anybody know what it means? I'd like to adopt it as my temorary fad expression (I have these--for a while, it was 'frell' and 'dren' from Farscape. Ah, good swearing days.) because if I can't figure out what it means I'm going to have to go with Tierce Japhramel, the name of the demon/love interest, because, let's face it, it just sounds frickin' cool!!!!!


Catie said...

Hi, I'm Catie and found you via Julie's blog. I just read your latest entry and I like that you pick up sayings from things you read. For me it is movies/shows. My husband and I say a lot of "It's too _____ for a penguin" (Billy Maddison) and I say "frack" (Battlestar Gallactica) a lot. He thinks it is geeky I definately don't.

Amy Lane said...

I remember 'frack!' And I feel like the geek because that's a show Ianted to watch but haven't gotten into... ( of course, there's always dvds, season 1 & 2.)

Bells said...

I'm sending that list to my husband!!! Love it. He's always looking for ways to ensure sexual favours of his choice. LOL!

he's actually getting very clever. When I ripped out my current jacket for the first time, I was about to start it again and his wise input was, 'why don't you wait til the new addi turbo comes in the mail. You'll be much happier to be working on the jacket then.'

MAJOR points earner, that one!

Roxie said...

I, on the other hand, would like to use sayings from things you have WRITTEN, but I don't have the huevos to pull it off.

Amy Lane said...

I know when I'm deep into Cory's brain I tend to say 'God, Goddess, and other...' a lot... now that I'm doing BITTERMOON, I'm saying 'by the twin gods' toes...'

Julie said...

Often I complain abou things going wrong, and in reply I get "Oh. That sucks." I suspect half the time he has no idea what he's talking about. But he's trying to play along.

"How long has that been sitting here?"

"What about that black and white thing?" Dale of Norway cardi, begun in 2003. We will speak no more of it here, either.

"Is that supposed to be happening?"

"When was the last time you knit a square?"

Louiz said...

A very good one is "Oh, can you make me one of them"..

A very bad one is "erm. Well it will at least keep the cats warm."

Both only ever heard once!

NeedleTart said...

Best line from a husband: "Look, they're opening a yarn shop ---miles away. Should we go this weekend?"

Amy Lane said...

We've all got some pretty good mates... although I think bells and Needletart win because their's actually recommended SHOPPING of some sort. (Although, I have to say, Julie, that 'when was the last time you knit a square' almost sounds like a compliment--at least what you're knitting isn't boring!) And louiz--I've actually MADE a cat bed out of Lion Brand Thick & Quick Chenille--it was the only thing I was pretty sure that cat would lie on BESIDES the thing I was working on. (My cats have no taste:-)

Raptor Freakin Jesus said...

Sekhmet sa'es = "Sekhmet stomp it"

Sekhmet was the goddess of war and destruction, and Danny's basically saying "God damn it!"

For the record, "Anubis et'her ka" means "Anubis save us all"

krystal said...

Im also reading that series. It rocks. When will danny figure out how demon boy feels about her. I'm like on chapter 23 or something like that.

Japhrimel said...

you misspelled "Japhrimel"

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