Tuesday, August 29, 2006

I got a nap!

Not that a nap has anything to do with today's post, but, hey, it's a big furry deal these days and I thought I'd share the excitement.

so the older kids have their braces--and we're out a down-payment on a new car--and now their pain is my pain... can you hear it now? "Do you have your headgear on? Did you brush? Did you floss? Do you need me to yank those puppies out with a pair of rusty pliers or are you going to take care of your grillwork?"

And to add to the pictures of domestic wierdness, I thought I'd share a few vignettes that will make everyone stop wondering why big mama needs a nap (and a shot of tequila, but she's breastfeeding):

Episode 1--in which our heroine returns home from exercising dripping sweat only to find Mate with a suspiciously bright orange rag in his hand. "The cave troll got into the hand lotion!" he grumbles grimly, wiping down the footboard of the bed, the dresser, and the television and the other dresser and the doorframe and the..."Why are you looking at me like that?" He says, puzzled. "What is it? What did I do? What didn't I do? What did I forget...oh!" Can you hear the dawning comprehension? "Is this your new blouse?"

*whimper* *wail* "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!"

Episode 2--in which our heroine is sitting in the bathroom. doing what you do in the morning--it's an odorific ritual that sometimes demands a newspaper--when her 11 year old daghter bursts in, wearing a soccer uniform that saw two games yesterday and has one to go on this day, saying "Mom...does my uniform stink?"

Episode 3--In which our heroine is holding her adorable baby daughter while taking the cave troll on the carousel, and the adorable baby daughter gives a happy little grunt and takes out her diaper and her outfit and mom is stuck, holding a cheery, stinky baby while the carousel goes around and around and around and around and around and around.

Episode 4-- (Actually this happened last year but it was too funny to just die after I told my all male, body-phobic lunch crew who tend to hold me in general contempt because I use words like 'crapweasel' 'f*&^head' and 'breastpump'.) In which our heroine (very pregnant at the time) is sitting on the couch with her daughter and her husband on a Wednesday evening, watching one of those 'Funniest Moments on Live Television' shows. We had just gotten to the segment when people doing news stories on animals are looking straight at the camera while the animals are doing their business (in this case, it was a kangaroo doing himself a big favor) behind them. So we're watching the show, and in OUR background, strides my large, dripping wet, and VERY NAKED oldest son. He is heading for the garage--which is the only place in the house where you can see people from the house. My husband and I looked at each other and then looked at the door to the garage, waiting to see what would happen next. In a few moments, the door opens and my son emerges--still naked. He waves a pair of underwear that he has gleaned from the drier and smiles at us, then ambles back to his bedroom to put them on. Have I mentioned that we're across the street from a church that holds Wednesday services? *sigh* Yeah.

So, these are just a few examples of why big mama needs her nap... the other is BOUND, which I'm going back to work on even as I sign off... Goddess, I'm so close to done that I can taste it--but it's going to be over 720 manuscript pages, which means that the self-publishing company will charge a fortune for it, which means no one will read it... too bad... it could be the best thing I've ever written...

3 comments:

Roxie said...

Dear Heart, you have earned a nap of four-day-weekend proportions! And you are also entitled to some power lounging and a few nice, brisk snoozes. I give you license to exercise your rights. (Kudos to the mate for cleaning the mess. Slap upside the head for grabbing the wrong cloth.)

Starfish said...

Yes, you've earned one whole week of nonstop sleep! Funny stories, though I'm sure they weren't funny at the time. Your BLOUSE? What was he THINKING??

Amy Lane said...

actually, the naked kid wandering into the garage was even funnier at the time... but about the blouse? The next thing he said was, "But I could have sworn it was an older one..." He had it confused with an old T-shirt of a similar color...